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Nerves feeling a little frazzled these days?
Maybe things were good for the first few weeks of staying home, but now, NOW, thoughts are amped up. Comments are snippy snappy. Irritation is pressing against your skin.
No one wants to be crabby.
I used to get busy when I was feeling short tempered. I’d start scrubbing cabinets and making lists, like those things were going to save me. Meanwhile my mind was working things over pretty hard. I wanted to make it go away without telling anyone.
Isn’t it true that we try to hold back? We do. We really try, but eventually…
Someone notices. Damn it.
Out comes the classic question, “What’s wrong?”.
Your head turns away and your face flushes red while your thoughts say, “Um, you actually. You’re what’s wrong. Could you just GO AWAY!”.
Quickly you reply, “No no, I’m fine. Nothing’s the matter”.
Of course it often doesn’t end there, well not unless the good witch Glinda has blessed you with her wand.
This is the kind of slippery slope that easily turns into either a vicious argument or total shut down. Oh crap. Not again.
Your emotional pattern comes in like a wave and washes over everything. Then slowly returns to the invisible sea from which it came.
After an emotional flooding, you may feel bad about yourself and disconnected from those you care about. It can be a huge source of frustration and shame. Maybe you think you shouldn’t have behaved the way you did and worry about how the other person perceives you.
Will they think I’m a nut job? Will they leave? What the hell is wrong with me? Okay these are my thoughts. Maybe yours are different.
It took me a long time to stop myself and realize that self judgments are not the answer. It makes matters exponentially worse. They never helped me and I am pretty sure they won’t help you either.
If you’re irritated, you’re irritated for a reason. Being mad at yourself for having the emotion is throwing another shovel of dirt on the coffin.
Emotions are messengers. They hold critical information. Ignoring them, resisting them, turning away from them will keep you stuck in old patterns.
Turning toward your emotions and honoring them might be one of the hardest things you learn to do, like making best friends with your biggest enemy, but it is also super empowering.
Learning to own the muck and hear the messages builds confidence and increases self acceptance. It is the first step to obtaining the emotional control we all seek.
Jump in by simply letting it be okay to feel what you feel. Give yourself permission to be crabby or anxious or whatever. It doesn’t mean you act on it. You’re just letting yourself be human.
Start there. Play with opening to these parts of yourself you have cast out as demons. Notice what changes.
Until next time-
Lori
lori frison 