Shake Free From Failure

Have you ever thought you were a failure?

I mean, not that those words would ever float out of your mouth and into the ears of another.  No way!  Not like that.  But sometimes, when things are quiet and you are alone the thoughts about yourself start to stir…

Why can’t I make this work?

I’m ruining it again.

Is this all there is?

Of course you get invested when a project is important to you; the book you want to write, the weight you want to loose, the promotion you long for.   This is true for anything you strongly desire.

But there is a difference between a project you work on and your value as a person.

Don’t let them be the same thing.  Tease apart your sense of self worth from your projects.  So if the book doesn’t get completed, it doesn’t becomes personal.  Stick to the facts -the book didn’t get finished- rather than the idea -something is wrong with me- because the book didn’t get finished.

You may not have reached your goal but that does not make YOU a failure.  It makes the project a failure.

Keeping your self separate empowers you to evaluate without fear what took place that worked or did not work.  What critical piece or pieces were missing for this activity to be a success?

I know this might feel like a leap for some of you.  Especially if you have bought into the  mindset that your business ventures are a reflection on YOU, or your children’s behavior is a reflection on YOU, or your bank account is a reflection on YOU.  The truth is these situations do not define you.

No.  These factors are neutral before you put your spin on them.  Your interpretation of the facts is where you can gain influence.

A shift in how you view the projects in your life can help to free you from self doubt and self criticism.  And who doesn’t want that?!

People don’t fail.  Projects do.

Oh! But you say, if I’m not responsible for the outcome, who is???  Won’t I become complacent?  A giant blob of low expectations and lack of motivation?

Only if you want to.  The idea here is to increase your effectiveness.  You become objective when you separate your identity from the project.  And when you are objective, fear goes down.  And when fear goes down, you attain a sense of control.

How do you think your decisions might look different from a solid foundation of calm confidence?  Decisions made from a place where projects are not about you personally?

This view helps you operate from an action mentality,  such as “What needs to happen here for this to work?”.   Rather than the slog of, “What will people think if this doesn’t work?”

For me, it makes all the difference.  I can evaluate and act more freely.  I have more clarity about the task at hand and I am less afraid.

I realize that things not working is part of my learning.  The “failures” help me figure it all out, but only if I let them.  Only if I experience them as neutral information to be considered in my choices instead of emotionally charged information to weigh me down.

Do you do this?  What are your thoughts?  I’d love to hear from you.  Leave me a comment below.

All the best to you-

Lori