Shake Free From Failure

Have you ever thought you were a failure?

I mean, not that those words would ever float out of your mouth and into the ears of another.  No way!  Not like that.  But sometimes, when things are quiet and you are alone the thoughts about yourself start to stir…

Why can’t I make this work?

I’m ruining it again.

Is this all there is?

Of course you get invested when a project is important to you; the book you want to write, the weight you want to loose, the promotion you long for.   This is true for anything you strongly desire.

But there is a difference between a project you work on and your value as a person.

Don’t let them be the same thing.  Tease apart your sense of self worth from your projects.  So if the book doesn’t get completed, it doesn’t becomes personal.  Stick to the facts -the book didn’t get finished- rather than the idea -something is wrong with me- because the book didn’t get finished.

You may not have reached your goal but that does not make YOU a failure.  It makes the project a failure.

Keeping your self separate empowers you to evaluate without fear what took place that worked or did not work.  What critical piece or pieces were missing for this activity to be a success?

I know this might feel like a leap for some of you.  Especially if you have bought into the  mindset that your business ventures are a reflection on YOU, or your children’s behavior is a reflection on YOU, or your bank account is a reflection on YOU.  The truth is these situations do not define you.

No.  These factors are neutral before you put your spin on them.  Your interpretation of the facts is where you can gain influence.

A shift in how you view the projects in your life can help to free you from self doubt and self criticism.  And who doesn’t want that?!

People don’t fail.  Projects do.

Oh! But you say, if I’m not responsible for the outcome, who is???  Won’t I become complacent?  A giant blob of low expectations and lack of motivation?

Only if you want to.  The idea here is to increase your effectiveness.  You become objective when you separate your identity from the project.  And when you are objective, fear goes down.  And when fear goes down, you attain a sense of control.

How do you think your decisions might look different from a solid foundation of calm confidence?  Decisions made from a place where projects are not about you personally?

This view helps you operate from an action mentality,  such as “What needs to happen here for this to work?”.   Rather than the slog of, “What will people think if this doesn’t work?”

For me, it makes all the difference.  I can evaluate and act more freely.  I have more clarity about the task at hand and I am less afraid.

I realize that things not working is part of my learning.  The “failures” help me figure it all out, but only if I let them.  Only if I experience them as neutral information to be considered in my choices instead of emotionally charged information to weigh me down.

Do you do this?  What are your thoughts?  I’d love to hear from you.  Leave me a comment below.

All the best to you-

Lori

 

Getting Back On-Track

 

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Do you ever feel like something is missing?  Like you are waiting for some missing bit of  something unknown?  But it never really comes…and so you keep looking.  What if nothing is missing after all?  Or, what if you are the one you have been waiting for all this time?

• The one you need answers from, the answers you need so you can move forward…
• The one you ache for, to show up and help you break free from old habits…
• The one you search for, to hold you in loving acceptance so you don’t feel all alone…

I have looked and learned from others my whole life.  I have asked questions, watched, and imitated all in an effort to “do it right”.  Perhaps all of that was required in some odd way for me to let go.  I will never know.  But I do firmly believe the special ingredient sat quietly within me the whole time.  I was poring myself over every message I could find and not understanding why I still fell short.  Shazam, I was the one I was waiting for.

Just the same, you are your own source of wholeness.  You turning inward.  You relying on you, trusting you, loving you.

Of course we receive from others.  We thrive with the ability to connect.  But connecting out of our brokenness is much different than connecting out of our wholeness.  Sort of like the difference between touching a baby in the NICU through gloves versus holding a baby to your bare chest, skin to skin, with warm breath and beating hearts between you.

Turning inward is new territory for most.

We explore our outer world from the moment of birth.  Our focus is snatched up by a shiny object,  a mushy texture, or the gift of a snuggle.  We dutifully take in our environment and learn from it.

Never once do we question the process.  At least not while we are young.   By the time we do start to ponder larger questions, we have built a mental foundation of ideas from which we operate.  Alas, our conditioning.  Our beliefs about the world and ourselves have a huge head start.  However these ideas were formed from the immature mind of a child.  A beautiful little star who is dependent upon it’s caregivers to fill its every need.

We grow and learn through our experiences.  Us precious children figure out how to behave to gain approval.  We even manage to take on the thoughts of others without discretion, fingers crossed that these were helpful thoughts and not toxic ones.  Finally, we learn how to manage the tidal wave of emotions that surge within by watching and interacting with others.

So we sway back and forth, moving like seaweed in the ocean, surrounded by environmental forces which nurture us into adulthood.  We naturally look to our surroundings for our instructions on life.  And in this way, we mistakenly think that making everything right on the outside will lead to everything being good on the inside.

Our influence comes from within.  We cannot control what happens around us.  Our best hope of gaining the effectiveness we seek is to embrace every aspect of our own sweet response.

• The only person who can have the answers you need is you.
• The only person who can break you free from your old habits is you.
• The only person who can truly hold you in loving acceptance so you don’t feel alone is you.

The internal environment is the place of transformation.  Any effort we devote to our self awareness is an investment guaranteed to accumulate wealth.

All the best to you-